Two days ago, I got my ass kicked. I have to be clear for my mom's sake that it was not in the physical sense, but more along the emotional realm. I was riding sky high only to be shot down to crash and burn, wallow in my sorrow or whatever other phrase you want to use. I'm painting a pretty dreary picture, when in fact, things aren't that bad. I get paid to do "stream research", live in an unbelievable panorama of beauty and get to work with a few pretty stellar dudes in the process.
I have been working at the ranch for about 3 weeks now, and I have fished most of the days while here. Most of the days, my skills are up to par and I feel like an adequate part of the guiding team. However, there are days, such as two days ago, where I question whether I am able to do this job the way it needs to be done.
I work with two veteran guides that know this water inside and out. The water isn't terribly hard to read, however, knowing where to fish is half the battle. As in anything, it doesn't matter how good you are at something, there will always be someone better than you. In my case, the vets are fly fishing studs that can put a fly wherever they want, no matter the conditions. It is easy to fall into beginner mode and lose the confidence or swagger I once had and resort to being passive while resurrecting bad habits. Instead of approaching a spot and knowing that you will make the cast, I start to question everything I know and over think what should be basic fundamentals. When this happens, frustration sets in causing a vicious cycle of angry, unproductive fishing.
It doesn't matter the circumstance, if anger intrudes into your fishing, something is wrong. No one should ever be angry on the water with fishing being the epicenter of their stress. If that is the case, that person should not be fishing, or at least take a few lessons in either fly fishing fundamentals or anger management. Fly fishing is pure. Fly fishing is beauty. Fly fishing is the one thing I will do for the rest of my life where stress vanishes and I can escape to fill my senses with untouchable peace. If anger enters my being on the water, I stop fishing and take a look around me. I am reminded as to why I do what I do and to how blessed I am to have the opportunity.
As a new fishing guide, humility is number one. As far as I see it, I know nothing. I am a sponge to the wisdom the returning guides are willing to share. When I am not performing, I sure as hell will figure out why so I can continue to learn and build my arsenal. I hope these "bad" days continue to be few and far in between and that I can harness my confidence to perform when asked. First clients come on Saturday. The true test awaits.
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