Wedding Woes

After graduating college, it is an inevitability that the love birds that were once soaring up and out of our male comprehension, come crashing down to earth like a peregrine and begin their feast upon the hearts of men everywhere.  The "ring by spring" mentality held true for quite a few of my comrades in college.  At first, I welcomed the idea.  Standing up in a wedding as a 22 year old is something special.  First, it most likely is a new experience, so whether you enjoy broadening your horizons or not, that could always be a plus.  Second, you don't care as much about the price of the tux, but are more concerned with the fact that you actually get to where one.  Third, everyone you know most likely lives in one area.  There aren't any plane tickets, rental cars or crazy hotel accommodations.  Everything is cheap and convenient.  And lastly, the celebration includes loads and loads of single, eligible ladies that are down to have a good time on the dance floor.  There wasn't much working against weddings at that time.  If anything, it was a recommended activity among friends.

Now, at age 26, I am cursed by weddings.  I am happy to take part and support whatever friend it is getting hitched, however, they have an uncanny ability to lump together like pudgy kids around a cake.  A wedding here and there is fun.  They're usually expensive but manageable when faced individually.  But, when you start piling them atop of one another, instead of focusing on the couple at the altar and demonstrating your love and support, visions of dollar signs starting dancing through your head.  And, because I am older and most likely the bride and groom are older, inevitably the entire friend base is older, meaning not too many ringless fingers in the crowd.  I often find myself alone on the dance floor, usually two sheets to the wind, uncomfortably sweaty for me and everyone around me, doing some attempt at a C-walk or performing hip gyrations that should be illegal in multiple states.  

The reason for my rant, is this fall alone from September thru the beginning of October I was in three weddings.  Two groomsman and an usher.  One in Seattle, one in Montana, one in Chicago.  I don't know if you know this, but the three places are not close to each other.  Two of them were back to back weekends.  My stamina isn't what it used to be.  All of the rehearsals, dinners, need to be here, need to be there.  It's exhausting.  And most importantly, I needed to conserve myself for all three dance floors.  Because everyone knows, that is where I shine.  Ha!  

The wedding extravaganza began in the middle of September in Seattle.  This was still within the fishing season at the ranch, so I only got three days for travel and the wedding before I had to head back to work.  Needless to say, it was fun but abbreviated.  I never felt quite settled.  Like I was in a rush the entire time, which, as it turns out I kind of was.  The second lag of weddings began immediately after Vegas.  We hadn't made the Vegas plan until towards the end of our time at the ranch.  So, like a grown up, I planned ahead and booked my flights for Montana well in advance so I didn't suffer the financial toll that procrastination tends to deliver.  I bought the ticket for the morning of October 5th at 8:30 am from Denver, which is a solid 4 1/2 to 5 hour drive from the ranch.  What I didn't know was that we were soon going to make a plan to travel to the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas on October 1st and returning on the night of October 4th.  In hindsight, I should have scrapped the Vegas plan and leisurely arrived in Denver a day or so in advance.  But that would be too easy.  Instead, we left from Vegas at 8:00 am on October 4th and drove the fourteen hours back to Creede, CO arriving at around 10:45 pm, obviously losing an hour along the way due to the change in time zone.  Lovely.  After returning, we then had to empty my truck of everyone's gear and fill the back of my truck with all of my belongings to make my final departure from the ranch for the season and make it to Denver with plenty of time to get to my flight.  I ended up leaving 4UR Ranch at roughly 11:45 pm and disappeared into the darkness.  

I knew I was in bad shape when at 25 minutes into my 5 hour excursion my eyelids began to feel heavy.  I remembered I had one adderall left and immediately started popping pills to stay alert.  When that started to fail, I stopped for a coffee and a coke.  Once caffeine started to slip, I started packing my tin of Copenhagen.  On top of all of these stimulants, I had a steady flow of Eminem blasting on repeat over the speakers.  Finally, after driving straight through the night, I made it to Denver around 5 am and parked my truck in front of my buddy's house who said he would drive me to the airport so I wouldn't have to suffer weeks of parking fees.  Great guy.  Anyway, I made it to the airport with plenty of time only to realize after 20 minutes of arguing with the lady at the United Airlines desk that I was on the 8 o'clock flight to Missoula, that I was actually flying Delta.  Give me a break... I blame this mishap on sleep deprivation.  I got to Missoula, and was picked up by the groom.  We got burgers and beers at the favorite Missoula Club, or "Mo Club" in downtown Missoula, MT.  I immediately vanished to the river and fished for the rest of the afternoon.  I was reminded again how much I love Montana.  There really is nothing like it.  It's hard to explain unless you have ever lived there.  But I digress.  I didn't end up getting to bed until almost 1 am that night meaning that I was officially awake, aside from the unproductive sleep on the plane, for roughly 43 1/2 hours straight.  A NEW RECORD!  I didn't even reach this total from my all nighters in college.  From my understanding, if I would have made it to 48 hours I would have been clinically out of my mind.  Too bad I didn't push through the extra 4 1/2 hours. I hear crazy people have way more fun than us sane brains.   

Overall, I had an awesome time at the weddings.  All three were very good friends of mine and I wouldn't have missed them for the world.  It is fun to bad mouth weddings, however I do it in good fun.  If anything, I am reminded by weddings that I remain a bachelor and to be honest don't see wedding bells anywhere in the near future.  For the time being, I throughly enjoy my freedom as a single guy.  I guess I'll just have to continue to rub it in to all of my married friend's faces that I am having the time of my life and chipping away at my retirement bucket list at age 26.  I'll make sure to send them some post cards.